Knewton Hoops: Scouting Report

This post was written by Josh Anish.

Some offices have a golf culture; others football or even—gasp—tennis. I am proud to say that we Knewtonites recreate primarily via Ultimate Frisbee, kickball, and hoops. Basketball seems to be a particular passion of many folks in the office, which is fine by me. I captained my college basketball team (DIII, but still), and I have many more chances to be alpha on the court than I would, say, on a par 72 course.

We recently decided to take our b-ball skillz to the next level and joined a weekend warrior league. Here’s a scouting report detailing our squad, found in the other team’s locker room after the first game.

Pete Miron. Day job: CTO. Strengths: Shoulders. Weaknesses: His two daughters. Free throws can be an adventure, predilection for Delay of Game warnings. Character guy.

Will Fleiss. Off the court: SEO expert. Strengths: Ball-handling, wing play. Weaknesses: Better able to find tweaks in the Google algorithm than the big man on the break. Under-sized Kevin Durant-type.

Robbie Mitchell. Earns keep as: Marketing Analyst. Strengths: Hair, spunk, defense. Weaknesses: Beard increases risk of heat stroke, dehydration. Spark-plug off the bench, general asset to any endeavor.

Brian Fitzgerald. AKA: Vice President, Product Development. Strengths: Competitiveness. Weaknesses: Short shorts. Baron Davis-like scoring point guard: Jump shooter, lefty, low center of gravity — though facial hair growth is less formidable.

Nathan “Back” Lasche. Business card reads: Product Manager. Strengths: The new guy, stamina, fresh eyes (and legs). Weaknesses: Will take 4-6 weeks just to learn our offense (har). Conclusion: At this stage, in-shape former track star wins over out-of-shape former basketball role player.

Sven Nguyen-Northcott. Until liberated by the start of game: Software Developer. Strengths: personal freedoms, cajones. Weaknesses: onion-based body odour that reminds of Prague. Conclusion: Every team needs a guy that is not afraid to shoot, and, fortunately, some of his shots go in.

Nate Burke. Parents brag that he is a: Software Developer. Strengths: “Length,” esprit de corps. Weaknesses: Meta-guards man too far away from the basket. Another character guy.

Brett Naul. By day: Software Developer. Strengths: Jumper, long arms, hoops experience. Weakness: Mark Cuban apologist. Forms a formidable back court with Fitzgerald.

Josh Anish (me): By the light of day: Senior Editor. Strengths: General skill-set (aka “being 6’7″), intimidation during lay-up lines. Weaknesses: 60 (ok, 50) hours a week at desk and nights up with toddler have taken toll on organism.

I think that pretty accurately sums it up. Don’t kid yourself, we won our first game this week. Maybe next year LeBron will announce that he’s taking his talents to Knewton.